Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
