Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
