Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
