I got chris browned last night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We need to get me chipped asap
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
