We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
