so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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