you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
