what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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