I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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