thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
