Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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