I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
