So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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