I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
