they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
