she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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