Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize