Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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