we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
