I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
