dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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