fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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