i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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