he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
zippers are such a cool invention
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
