singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
