these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
