It's like God shit irony all over that family
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
