They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
