You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
