You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
