Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
