I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize