90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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