But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
