If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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