In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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