Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
