I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Life is so much better after having sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
