Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
