We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
