I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
