I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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