Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
