So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
