She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
