I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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