The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
