k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
