hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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