Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
