Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
