i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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