I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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