Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
