he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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