I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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