hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Where is the hickey?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
