We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just made my gag reflex go away.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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