Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
