I'm pants shitting drunk right now
her vagine was all disorganized.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
