She is in my trunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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