1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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