Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
