I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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