wakey wakey hands off snakey
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
